Netflix described it as: “When Meghan’s friend Daniel Martin (anyone? No, seriously, who the hell is this guy?) comes to visit, she prepares a thoughtful guest basket, then harvests honey for DIY beeswax candles and a sweet treat.”
I guarantee you now – go up to a friend and tell them: “For Christmas I have made you a thoughtful guest basket.” It sounds sinister. The word “thoughtful” lingers like a heavy odour. There’s almost a hint of menace.
The description of the 36 minutes of horse-related fertiliser that is episode four sounds like a parody. Sadly it isn’t.
Entitled: ‘Love Is In The Details’, Netflix says: “Meghan and her polo pal Delfina Figueras enjoy a hike in the great outdoors, followed by an afternoon picnic featuring fresh, homemade focaccia.”
The defence rests M’Lud.
In another episode called ‘Welcome to the Party’ – surely ‘wake’ is more appropriate – US comedian and “fellow toddler mom” Mindy Kaling drops by Montecito “to help Meghan plan a kid-friendly tea party in the garden.”
Mindy puts her foot in it when she tells Meghan: “I don’t think anyone in the world knows that Meghan Markle has eaten Jack In the Box.”
Meghan’s prickly reply: “It’s so funny, you keep saying Meghan Markle – you know I’m Sussex now?” Awkward silence as Mindy wonders “why did my agent agree to this?”
Season two had an episode called ‘It’s Way Past Our Bread-time’ (geddit?) where “fellow mom Chrissy Teigen stops by for a hands-on craft day with pressed flowers and throwback snacks.”
This is the same Chrissy Teigen who admitted she was a “an insecure, attention-seeking troll” and was forced to apologise for sending a number of fellow celebs, including a child, vile private messages urging they kill themselves.
Good wholesome fun!
Now Meghan’s just had her Christmas special, the reviews are in and it appears to have briefly fostered world peace by uniting the planet… against it.
The one-off episode, titled ‘With Love, Meghan: Holiday Celebration’, aired just hours after the Princess of Wales published a personal letter to guests attending her annual carol concert on Friday.
One reviewer summed it up: “I can only assume that the part where she puts on monogrammed red pyjamas and talks about quiche Lorraine in a My Fair Lady accent was a fever dream.”