I thanked her for the apology but I didn’t tell her that I was planning to leave the city for a while. I needed to find a place where nobody knew me as the useful daughter or the quiet sister who worked with computers.
I spent a month traveling through the small towns of the Appalachian mountains and staying in quiet inns where the morning mist clung to the trees. I thought a lot about my father and the letters he had left behind in a locked box in our old attic.
He had died when I was twenty, but he had always seen the truth of our family more clearly than anyone else. “You have a heart that wants to fix the world, Joanna, but some people will only love you for the repairs you make,” he had once told me.
I realized that I had been trying to fix my family for seven years with money and silence. I had hoped that if I made their lives perfect, they would finally have enough room in their hearts to see me as a person.
When I returned to Raleigh, I learned that Sienna and Brett were forced to sell their house and move into a smaller rental in a less prestigious neighborhood. Justin had to take a second job to cover his daughter’s private school tuition because the education fund was gone.
My mother had to move into a smaller condo because she could no longer afford the taxes and the maintenance on the family estate. They were all experiencing the reality of a life that they had to earn for themselves for the first time.
I did not feel a sense of triumph when I heard the news but I did feel a strange sense of peace. The machine had finally stopped running and the actors were forced to leave the stage and face the cold light of day.
Sienna reached out to me one final time through a letter that was delivered to my office by a courier. She didn’t ask for money this time, but instead, she asked me why I had never told them the truth about my success.
“I think you kept it a secret because you wanted to have a reason to hate us,” she wrote. It was a classic Sienna move to turn her own failures into a character flaw of mine so that she could feel like a victim.
I wrote back a single sentence and sent it to her new address in a plain envelope. “I kept it a secret because I wanted to see if you would love me for free,” I replied.