Just another exit.
Claire stared at me as if I had personally ruined motherhood.
“This is unbelievable,” she said. “You always have to make everything about you.”
I almost smiled.
“Not anymore.”
Security arrived.
My mother did not scream. That would have been too honest. Instead, she gathered her purse, smoothed her blouse, and walked out with the icy dignity of a queen being escorted from a kingdom she had already lost.
At the doorway, she turned back.
“You will regret this.”
Gerald stood beside my bed.
“No,” he said. “She won’t.”
And somehow, I believed him.
The DNA test took nine days.
In those nine days, Gerald came every morning with coffee he never drank and a book he never opened. He sat beside me while nurses checked my incision, while doctors changed antibiotics, while my body relearned the complicated work of staying alive.
He did not ask me to call him Dad.
He did not ask me to forgive him for something he had not done.
He told me stories instead.
He told me about the red pickup truck in the photograph, how it used to stall at every intersection unless he tapped the dashboard twice. He told me about the little house by the lake that he and my mother almost rented. He told me that he once bought a yellow crib from a yard sale and hid it in his friend’s garage because he wanted to surprise her.
“What happened to it?” I asked one afternoon.
Gerald looked out the window.
“I kept it for two years after she said you died. Then I gave it to a shelter.”
My chest hurt in a place surgery had not touched.
He told me he had never married.
“Not because I was noble,” he said. “Don’t make me better than I was. I got bitter for a while. Angry. Drank too much for a few years. Then my sister Ruth grabbed me by the collar one Thanksgiving and told me grief was not a profession.”
I laughed so hard my stitches protested.
“I like Ruth.”
“You will. She already likes you.”
“She doesn’t know me.”
“She knows enough.”
On the fourth day, Gerald brought a small wooden box.
“I wasn’t sure whether to show you this,” he said.
Inside were things he had saved for a child he thought was gone.
A tiny pair of knitted green booties.
A hospital bracelet from Eleanor’s first prenatal appointment.
A receipt for a music box.
A folded list of baby names.
Holly was circled.
I touched the paper with one finger.
Below it were other names. Sarah. June. Lydia. Emily.
But Holly was circled three times.
“You chose me,” I whispered.