But I always felt that he was using me to make up for his sorry feelings for another person.
He made me grow my hair long and wear long skirts which I never wore.
I even wore high heels.
He even bought me makeup that I never used.
He just wanted to mold me into someone else.
Only after I dressed up as he asked would he show me a loving look, take my hand, and say softly, "I will always love you and we will never be apart again."
I looked at his eyes full of possessiveness and persistence, and listened to his loving words, but I felt disappointed.
I didn't tell him that I had seen the pictures he had locked away.
The woman in those photos with long hair and makeup was very similar to me.
But I didn't expose him but acted with him.
Because I loved him and was afraid of losing him.
But I went against his ideas more and more often and wanted to be myself more and more.
I hoped he would get used to my personality and fall in love with the real me.
He was slightly annoyed at first, but he bore it as long as he saw my face.
The relationship between us grew better and better until Kristina returned after I gave birth to Jimmy.
The beautiful love that I had worked so hard for was easily shattered by her.
Right after I gave birth to Jimmy, Jonathan took Jimmy to Kristina's place every day.
The two of them took care of Jimmy's daily life together.
I laid in the hospital with no one paying attention to me.
As a result, I suffered from postpartum depression.
When Jonathan came to visit me, I put the diagnosis in front of him.
I begged him, trying to reawaken his love for me.
But he just looked at me coldly.
"Catherine, stop acting.
"I only asked Kristina to help take care of the child, why do you have to act like this?
"Since you have mental problems, then let Kristina take care of Jimmy from now on. You are not capable to be a mother."
After saying this, he ignored my pleas, pulled away my hand that was holding his arm, and left the ward with a cold face.
The tumor in my lower abdomen suddenly started to hurt so much that my forehead sweated.
I used my last bit of strength, crawled onto the bed, and lay down.
I wanted to close my eyes and rest, but all I could see were scenes of me and Jonathan together.
It was like looking back on my life.
I lay flat on the bed, wriggling my body laboriously like a silkworm pupa.
I took off that cheap skirt.