I always found excuses for them, helping them deceive themselves. Now that I was dying, I refused to be a pitiful soul unloved until the end. If they didn't love me, I would love myself.
"Ahem," Alexander cleared his throat, noticing my silence. "Is the signal bad, Lily?"
Lily again.
I'd always disliked that name. Before I died, I needed to change it. Otherwise, I feared I would never find peace, even in death.
I checked the calendar to see how much time I had left. There was not much time. Sorting out the money and changing my name needed to be top priorities.
"Well, I'm coming over now," I said.
When I stepped inside, the whole place reeked of seafood, but all I saw on the table was a plate of nuts, some half-cooked oatmeal, and cucumbers.
Dad looked serious, and my brother and his wife wore their usual polite, fixed smiles. Mom walked over and pulled me aside.
"I heard you weren't feeling well and even went to the hospital today. I made some oatmeal for your stomach. You know, rich food can really mess you up. Going to the hospital is such a waste of money-- money you should be saving. Don't worry, Mom will hold onto it for you."
I almost laughed at how absurd it was. A bitter wave of frustration hit me hard. Dora, Alexander's wife, had just taken their cat to the vet for days because it wasn't eating enough. And here I was, apparently not even entitled to see a doctor.
I looked down, took a sip of the undercooked oatmeal, and noticed bits of crab shell under one of the plates. My stomach churned even more.
"I have cancer."
The room went dead silent. I looked up, startled.
It wasn't me who had said it-- it was my mom.
Everyone else looked just as shocked. But Mom kept going. "Luckily, it's not too serious. With some conservative treatment, I might be okay. But your brother just bought a new house, and money's tight. Your dad and I, well, we don't make much. You're the only one who went to college. You've got a bright future. I don't want to waste money on my treatment. I'd rather save it for you guys."
She smiled that soft, motherly smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.
Alexander, my brother, jumped in right away.