I had to focus on my studies and aim for the school I had always wanted to attend. In my previous life, I had gone to a decent university, but I never made it to the one I truly desired. That regret still lingered, and I didn’t want to carry it into this life.
Harvey and I had grown up together. Our families were close, and it seemed inevitable that we would end up together.
We followed the script, getting married, but it was clear that while Harvey respected me, he didn’t love me. I had always wondered why.
For years, from childhood to adulthood, I loved him deeply. He was always so close, yet so far away.
Then I saw Harvey cheat on me with my own eyes, and I didn’t confront him.
It was then I realized that the always-distant Harvey could also be gentle and tender – for someone else. I watched as he sweetly tucked another woman’s messy hair behind her ear.
She was lively and young, looking fresh out of college, brimming with energy – like a vibrant rose that could scorch anyone who looked at her.
I couldn’t blame Harvey for being drawn to her; even I felt captivated by her charm.
When she texted me smugly, [Harvey says he doesn’t love you. You two should just divorce already,] I actually found myself envying her boldness.
From childhood, I loved Harvey. Every time he frowned, I would ache for him. After we got married, even though I knew he didn’t love me, I was content. I told myself he was just naturally aloof.
But love, or the lack of it, has a way of being cruel.
The moment I saw them passionately kiss, a thought crossed my mind: Maybe when he chose me, I was just the best of the fallback options.
I couldn’t stand it. Even after I convinced myself to go through with the divorce, I still needed to ask if he ever loved me.
That day, he came home with a lipstick stain on his shirt. I knew it was the girl’s way of taunting me, but I didn’t care – I just wanted to hear his thoughts.
But when he hesitated and evaded the question, I knew that my hope had died.
Forty years of friendship and familiarity hadn’t been enough to make him love me. So this time around, I was going to live for myself.
While he chased after his own ideal, I realized I deserved my own version of happiness too.
Our families had a deep bond, and I didn’t plan to cause any trouble. The younger generation’s relationships might be complicated, but I wouldn’t let it affect the older generation.