And finally, Grandmother at the dinner table, rapping my knuckles with her chopsticks, her face vicious.
"Money pit. You don't lift a finger around here, but you sure know how to eat."
"If I'd known you'd turn out to be a money pit, I would've drowned you in the outhouse the day you were born!"
In the chorus of their curses, something inside me suddenly let go.
The cold began to fade. The pain in my body started to dissolve, piece by piece.
I knew then. I was finally free.
Mom, Dad, Grandmother.
Without me in this family, will you finally be happy?
I was sitting on top of the freezer now, and when I looked down, I could see the small, frozen figure inside.
That was me.
No warmth. No weight. So this was what death felt like.
Grandmother and Dad were chatting about something, laughing easily, as if they didn't have a care in the world.
Then Dad glanced at his watch and shot up from the couch.
"Mom, start cooking. I'm going to pick up Herbert Dickerson and Lisa."
"Alright." Grandmother was already heading for the kitchen. "I'll get the ribs stewing. My grandson needs a good, hearty meal."
I watched her bustling around the kitchen.
From start to finish, she never noticed the padlock on the freezer. She never once opened it.
An hour later.
The front door swung open and my brother came barreling in.
He was wearing a pair of light-up sneakers, running back and forth in front of Grandmother.
"Grandma, look! Aren't my shoes cool?"
"So cool. My handsome grandson looks good in everything." Grandmother gazed at him, her face soft with adoration.
Light-up sneakers. I'd mentioned those to Mom once.
She beat me for it.
"If it weren't for your school subsidies, you think I'd even let you go to school?"
"I gave you a chance to make something of yourself, and instead of studying hard, you learned how to be jealous of what other kids have."
I never brought it up again.
But when my brother mentioned something he wanted, even in passing, they remembered. They always remembered.
Everything Herbert wanted, he got without effort.
Everything I wanted stayed a dream.
Because I was just a bucket of water, destined to be poured out sooner or later.
Herbert was the bloodline of this family. The only heir.
"Lisa, where's Kate? I haven't seen her."
"Her? Probably still off somewhere sulking. She hasn't come back!"
Slap!
Mom's palm cracked against the table so hard it shook.
"That girl is out of control!"