Not the love of his life.
He didn't spell it out, but everyone listening understood.
Derek's brow furrowed deep.
"Robert, you can't have it both ways. Keep this up, and you'll end up with nothing."
Robert flashed a confident grin.
"Derek, you don't get it."
"A man's got to be a little greedy. Otherwise, what's the point?"
He lit a cigarette, entirely pleased with himself.
"Virginia's always been sensible. She only cares about her research. Jealousy, possessiveness, none of that's in her nature."
"Vivian's different. She's soft. She leans on me, needs me. With her, I finally understand what passion feels like."
A smug smile crept across his face.
"A man has different needs. That's just how it is."
"And your duty to your country? No regrets?"
Robert's expression tightened.
"If I can't even protect one woman, what business do I have protecting a country?"
"Everyone has regrets in life. But Vivian is the one regret I refuse to carry."
Derek shook his head and said nothing more.
I'd heard enough. I turned and walked home in silence.
I thought about the first time I met Robert Weiss, at an academic conference in Boston.
He was on stage giving a presentation. The last slide of his deck read:
"I hope that one day, I can bring my research back to America."
Back then, there was light in his eyes.
It was that promise that made me fall for him in the first place.
We were both Chinese-American, but our hearts had always belonged to the East.
I thought we shared the same dream.
Turns out, he'd given up on it a long time ago.
The only place he wanted to be was wherever Vivian Blake was.
That night, he came home late.
I was already in bed when he stepped onto the balcony to make a call.
"Vivian, don't cry."
"Mm, the paperwork's all been submitted..."
"Don't worry, I'll be there..."
He soothed her for a long time, his voice carrying a tenderness I had never once heard directed at me.
In the middle of the night, he rolled over and mumbled something in his sleep.
"Vivian... I miss you..."
I smiled bitterly in the dark.
I used to be a heavy sleeper.
Apparently, I'd missed quite a few confessions.
The next morning, Robert left early.
"Don't forget to go submit the paperwork."
His eyes flickered with something like panic, but he didn't linger for even a second.
On the desk sat a stack of immigration documents.
His were already gone. Only mine remained.
I gathered the papers, filled in the gaps, and went to the embassy.